Monday, January 3, 2011
Horror Story
I woke up and thought what happened to me. Last thing I could remember was that I hit the ground real hard. As I checked my surroundings I realized that I was in the woods and then sun was setting. I got up and stretched a bit because I felt a bit cramped up. I wonder how on Earth I got here and why was I bleeding. I decided not to waste time and I began to walk. Soon I began to hear noises coming from an area ahead of me. I'm a curious guy and I decided to head to that area. What I saw I should not even write about but all I will say is that a something was dead and the scene wasn't pretty. After what I saw I was frightened. Knowing this not was a good sign I began to sprint away in hopes of finding a road or a highway. Hours later I felt like I was being watched by someone or something. God I thought it is as if I am in a horror movie. Then out of nowhere a man with a mask on appeared on hill that I was heading towards. He looked so sketchy that I was shocked in disbelief. I thought no way am I living the Friday the 13th. He looked very intimidating with his mask. I told him, "Buddy you OK there?" He gave no reply and I decided not to wait around and I began to sprint away from him. That's when I felt something pierce me through my back. I began to bleed as I hit the ground. My body couldn't move I was scared for the first time since I woke up. No way am I dying today I can't I have a future with my girlfriend and I cannot got out now. Sadly I thought maybe it might happen. The man came to me and shot the same object at me again. I felt more pain in my back and now I realized that he paralyzed me. NOOOOOOO! How could this happen? Why was he doing this to me? I thought maybe this was a nightmare and then I began to laugh hysterically. Then all of a sudden I woke up. Phew I thought it was just a dream...yet then the same man in the mask was staring me in the face. I thought this can't be real. He said,"Are you sure?"
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Ayan: You clearly had fun with this, playing with the conventions of horror AND Sci Fi (right?). You cram a lot of action into this short space, perhaps a bit too much. When you rush through actions, they are a bit hard to follow.
ReplyDeleteFor starters, break your writing up into paragraphs. Jamming everything into one makes it hard to read and makes it seem as if I'm supposed to read it quickly. Your story needs time to develop, and spreading it out on the page will suggest this.
Also: take a bit more time with dialogue and description, even if this means cutting out some of the action. Work on getting one scene down well rather than rushing off to scenes 2, 3, and 4 so quickly.
Thank You Mr. Fischer. I will try to not do so next time I write the story.
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